Binge eating, body confidence and its impact on mental health
I have experienced binge eating since I was in my late teens, unnecessarily eating excessively and then hating myself for doing so - before doing it all over again the next day.
The NHS (2017) defines binge eating disorder as “regularly eating large portions of food all at once until you feel uncomfortably full, and then often upset or guilty.”
For me personally, I tend to binge eat when I am experience one or more of the following emotions:
Stress
Sadness
Boredom
Anxiety
Impatience
I most often binge on crisps and chocolate and, like most people who suffer from binge eating disorder; I tend to plan my binges, buy my junk food in private and eat it alone. Near enough each morning I tell myself that it will not happen again today and that I will take control of my urges so I feel better about my reflection in the mirror.
We have recently seen body positivity become a trend. For anyone who isn’t sure what body positivity means it is the belief that all individuals should have a positive body image, irrespective of how and what society projects the ‘perfect’ body image to be.
Body confidence is something that I tend to struggle with the most at the moment, which is definitely exacerbated by my binge eating.
Mentally, I have never been in a happier or healthier, yet I still suffer from negative thoughts around what I see in the mirror and how I feel about my body on a daily basis.
Prior to starting antidepressants I was a size 8 and the healthiest I had ever physically been. Just over 2-years having been on antidepressants, I am now a size 14-16. I am not sure whether the weight gain is a side effect of the antidepressants, whether it is because I finally feel content and happy or, whether it is a combination of the two. Regardless, how I feel about my body seems to have the most power in bringing my mental health levels temporarily down.
I would like to see more research available on being body positive alongside having an eating disorder. For some people, the body positivity movement has helped them recover from their eating disorder which is amazing, however for others, like myself, it can put more negative pressure on trying to gain control over the situation.
It is in situations like this that we need to be able to take a step back from our unhelpful thoughts and emotions and remember that we are striving for progress and not perfection. Instead of expecting results overnight, we must be more realistic and kinder to ourselves. It is highly unlikely that we are going to be able to decide one day that we will no longer binge or talk negatively about our appearance, so why put that expectation on ourselves?
The most effective tool that I have found to help is recognising what triggers me to start having negative thoughts and/or gives me the craving to binge eat.
I try to ask myself questions such as: -
What emotions am I feeling? Do I feel bored, stressed or upset?
What am I currently doing? Is something that I am doing triggering these emotions, such as looking at social media?
What am I actually craving right now? Am I craving attention or a distraction from the activity I am currently doing?
Where am I? Am I with someone who makes me feel badly about myself? Am I somewhere that makes me feel anxious?
Our mood diary can also help with this reflection exercise.
Once I have established some of these triggers, I aim to be as kind as myself as possible (yes I know, much easier said than done). If you find it hard to be kind to yourself, turn to gratitude and mindfulness.
If you are struggling with body positivity, be thankful for what your body can do and what it has achieved instead of focusing on how it could be better.
If you are battling with binge eating, reflect on other aspects of your life that you have control over. Be mindful of your journey and progress, focusing on the positives. Remind yourself that you are so much more than your appearance and your tendencies. And most importantly, reach out for professional help.
To me, body positivity isn’t about being in the best physical form I can be in or living up to society’s expectations, it is about feeling comfortable and confident in my body whilst feeling in control of my eating habits. It is certainly not an easy task and is one that I suspect will take me awhile to conquer, however, being kinder to myself always helps.
What do you do to encourage your own body positivity?
P.S. I wrote this blog in 2019 but never published it. I will be doing a follow up blog from this as since writing this blog, i was diagnosed with food addiction. I want to understand the difference between binge eating disorder and food addiction, so that is what my next blog will be covering!