Reflecting on 2020
2020 has been an interesting and challenging year for all to say the least.
The first 7-months of the year were close to a rock bottom for me.
In February, my family lost the last member of our extended family which reopened the grief of losing my Nan 5 years earlier. The first 6-months of the year I wanted to make a change to myself but my addiction controlled my thoughts and actions. I felt desperately unhappy, lost and out of control. I was in self-sabotage mode and was pushing everyone close to me away. If I’m honest, I had begun to give up on myself. I stopped looking after and caring for myself and had lost hope, once again.
But things gradually began to improve from July.
2020 for me has mainly been a year of gratitude and growth.
I am grateful to have a comfortable home to be in during the lockdowns, who I live in with my other half; a job that I can continue to do from home when restrictions are in place and supportive friends and family around me.
I have always been thankful and appreciative of these things, however this year has highlighted just how much importance these things hold, which we can at times take for granted.
But most of all, this year I am grateful for the opportunities that this challenging year has presented me with. I am grateful to myself for taking those opportunities rather than using the challenges as an excuse to continue as I am, without challenging myself to be better - which is what I usually do.
This year I have grown in ways I couldn’t have imagined if you told me so in January 2020. In fact, some of the ways that I have changed and grown this year I wouldn’t have even wanted to do back in January.
In January, what achievement probably would have made me happiest would have been losing weight. Superficial, yes, but it would have increased my confidence and acceptance of myself. Little did I realise the bigger pattern I was stuck in, that fed into every area of my life. I got clarity on this when I went to hospital which you can read more about in my blog from 3rd September.
In 2020, I have grown by:
- Completing and passing my first year of counselling college.
- Getting accepted into and starting my second year of counselling college.
- Finally admitted to myself and accepted that I needed help. In July, after a psychiatric assessment I admitted myself into a psychiatric rehabilitation hospital.
- With the help of rehab, I stopped smoking weed after years of battling this addiction. I am proud to say that I am almost 6 months clean.
- Started to take interest in hobbies, I began horse riding again after stopping in my childhood years.
- Invested in a horse, Barney, who I regularly ride and has helped me gain some confidence back in myself.
- Started talking therapy again after a couple of years not receiving any.
- Started to work on my food addiction and emotional overeating. This is very much a work in progress.
- Improved all of the relationships within my life (from my point of view anyway haha :))
- Improved my social life, started going out more (when we weren’t in lockdown) and isolating myself less.
- Became clear on my hopes for Balance Life Well.
- Invested in a business coach.
- Got a puppy.
- Most importantly, made it through a pandemic!
This isn’t a list to boast about what I have achieved but rather a self-celebration piece. Something that I think we could all benefit from doing more often. Without taking a step back and reflecting on what we have achieved or overcome, wins like this can be forgotten and overlooked. When we celebrate ourselves, we empower ourselves. With this empowerment we can go on to make more positive changes and achievements in our lives.
It will be easy to look back at 2020 and think what a shit show and forget about all of the ways we have grown during this strange year.
So, how are YOU celebrating yourself? What have YOU achieved this year?
It is okay if getting through the year was your biggest achievement, that’s pretty big given the circumstances we found ourselves in! This exercise isn’t about bragging or showing off, it is about recognising the events that have happened in your life over the past year and celebrating your wins (no matter how big or small).
Fancy doing a end of year self-review yourself?
Click here to download our template to reflect on your year and celebrate yourself!